This month many people will be spending time with their mums. An afternoon tea, a meal out or even just popping round with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates all give us the chance to show our appreciation for the things they do for us.
Our maternal relationship is our first connection with another person and it plays a significant role in forming our sense of self. Even when the relationship goes through difficult times, it is incredibly difficult to break the bond and we typically find ourselves drawn back together.
For many people their mum is someone that they have always turned to for support. From putting a plaster on your knee and a kiss on your cheek when you’ve fallen over, to a reassuring smile or squeeze of the hand before you take your next big step, or a cuppa and a hug when things haven’t gone to plan. The familiar reassurance makes you feel you’ve got someone on your side, no matter what.
Losing Mum
The death of a loved one is always a sad occasion, but when we lose our mum, the sense of grief can be overwhelming. It can feel as if the chair has been pulled from under you as you crash to the floor. A sense of stability is lost and you may feel that it can never return.
As adults we may get a day or two to grieve before we are expected to ‘buck up’ and resume a normal life. We have to turn up and function at work, we may have our own children to look after, a house to maintain. Our feelings of despair have to be disguised as we act our way through the day.
Grief can affect us in many ways. We may lose our appetite or feel the need to comfort eat, we may find it difficult to get motivated and lose our desire to go out, exercise or socialise. It can feel like too much effort to get dressed up, to face people, to shop. We may turn to drink or gambling in an attempt to escape the emptiness. Unless we find a way to grieve, address our feelings and look at ways to move forward, it can be detrimental to our mental and physical health.
Seeking Support
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a counselling technique that has been used to help many people to move forward following bereavement. It isn’t a quick fix that is going to make everything fine, but it does allow you the chance to acknowledge and understand your feelings. It allows you to grieve and also accept that moving on with your life doesn’t mean you have forgotten your mum or are being disrespectful.
If you feel you could benefit from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Amersham based Cognisant PDC is there for you. Taking action will be a challenge, but in processing your feelings in a supportive environment, you can begin to live your life again. After all, that would be what your mum would want.